The Facts... without the Lecture

Skills for Saying No

Body Language:

Stand tall, keep your head up and keep eye contact. Feel strong and equal. Believe in yourself.

Setting the Scene:

Decide what you want beforehand, if possible. This helps you feel in control of the situation.

Speak personally:

No, I don’t want to because…
No, I have a problem with that
No, I don’t feel ready

Be clear:

You don’t need to give a reason. Use short clear statements, for example:
I feel uncomfortable about…
I am unhappy with…
It scares me when…

Stay with your statement:

Avoid being manipulated into giving further explanations. Avoid being side-tracked.

Try to see the situation from their point of view:

Don’t accuse them or blame them for anything, simply state your views and wishes. Acknowledge that you have heard what the other person has said, for example:
Yes, I hear what you are saying and I don’t want to…

Say something positive:

Begin by saying something positive to the other person, for example,
I really like you, and I enjoy spending time with you, and I don’t want to

Believe in Yourself:

Avoid: I should, I ought, I must
Replace with: I could, I want to, I can if I choose

In extreme situations where you are not being heard and your safety is under threat, you may need to walk away.