The Facts... without the Lecture

Words for Saying No


If, in the future, someone is pressuring you to have sex, these are some ideas of what you can say back to different questions you might be asked.

Why won’t you have sex with me?

  • I don’t want to and I don’t have to give you a reason why.

We’ve done it before – what’s the problem now?

  • Just because I’ve had sex before doesn’t mean I can’t decide not to now.
  • I realized that I’m actually not ready…it’s got nothing to do with you.
  • I just want to make sure that I’m completely ready the next time.

You told me you’re not a virgin – why would you sleep with someone else but not me?

  • I may not be a virgin but that doesn’t mean I sleep around.
  • That time was a mistake.
  • Just because I’ve had sex before doesn’t mean I can’t decide not to now.
  • I’ve decided that I want to wait until I am older before I have sex again. It’s not that big a deal.

But I love you – don’t you love me?

  • I do love you…and I would think that if you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me into a choice I’m not ready to make.
  • If you loved me you wouldn’t try to pressure me like this.
  • I’m just not ready – I want this to mean something and feel like we need to take it more slowly.

Are you afraid?

  • Yes, and you should be too. What if I/you got pregnant?

If you don’t sleep with me, I’ll find someone else who will.

  • Off you go then.
  • If that’s what it’s all about to you, then I’m not that interested in you anymore.

I’d hate to have to cheat on you – I really love you but I have needs. If I can’t have sex with you I’ll have to find some other way to get what I need.

  • If you loved me you wouldn’t mind waiting until I was ready. You’re not going to explode if we don’t have sex.

Are you frigid? It’s not normal to not have sex.

  • It’s not normal to pressure someone into having sex.

You’re just a tease.

  • What are you talking about? Kissing you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.
  • Sex is a big step, and I’m not doing it until I’m completely sure. I don’t care what you call me.

You’re dressed like you want it – why are you wearing such tight/ short/ revealing clothes if you don’t want to have sex?

  • I can wear whatever I want. I like these clothes. Clothes and fashion have nothing do do with whether I want to have sex or not.