The Facts... without the Lecture
B4uDecide.ie is closing down at the end of May 2024.
Alternative sources of relationships and sexuality information and resources:
- For 16-25 year olds: SpunOut.ie is an information provision website, including relationships and sexuality issues.
- For 17+ year olds: Sexualwellbeing.ie is the HSE website that provides information and resources on a wide range of information such as consent, contraception, sexual transmitted infections, vaccinations and unplanned pregnancy
- For parents: The HSE’s ‘Making the ‘Big Talk’ many small talks’ series of booklets to help parents and children talk about relationships and sexuality is available online, and to order free of charge from healthpromotion.ie. HSE funded RSE workshops are available at npc.ie and ifpa.ie
- For teachers: Junior Cycle SPHE Resources are available to support the new 2023 SPHE specification , including the Relationship and Sexuality strand.
- For youthworkers: HSE funded training on relationship and sexuality issues is available at REAL U | Foroige and Tailored Training Courses – National Youth Council of Ireland
Words for Saying No
If, in the future, someone is pressuring you to have sex, these are some ideas of what you can say back to different questions you might be asked.
Why won’t you have sex with me?
- I don’t want to and I don’t have to give you a reason why.
We’ve done it before – what’s the problem now?
- Just because I’ve had sex before doesn’t mean I can’t decide not to now.
- I realized that I’m actually not ready…it’s got nothing to do with you.
- I just want to make sure that I’m completely ready the next time.
You told me you’re not a virgin – why would you sleep with someone else but not me?
- I may not be a virgin but that doesn’t mean I sleep around.
- That time was a mistake.
- Just because I’ve had sex before doesn’t mean I can’t decide not to now.
- I’ve decided that I want to wait until I am older before I have sex again. It’s not that big a deal.
But I love you – don’t you love me?
- I do love you…and I would think that if you loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me into a choice I’m not ready to make.
- If you loved me you wouldn’t try to pressure me like this.
- I’m just not ready – I want this to mean something and feel like we need to take it more slowly.
Are you afraid?
- Yes, and you should be too. What if I/you got pregnant?
If you don’t sleep with me, I’ll find someone else who will.
- Off you go then.
- If that’s what it’s all about to you, then I’m not that interested in you anymore.
I’d hate to have to cheat on you – I really love you but I have needs. If I can’t have sex with you I’ll have to find some other way to get what I need.
- If you loved me you wouldn’t mind waiting until I was ready. You’re not going to explode if we don’t have sex.
Are you frigid? It’s not normal to not have sex.
- It’s not normal to pressure someone into having sex.
You’re just a tease.
- What are you talking about? Kissing you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.
- Sex is a big step, and I’m not doing it until I’m completely sure. I don’t care what you call me.
You’re dressed like you want it – why are you wearing such tight/ short/ revealing clothes if you don’t want to have sex?
- I can wear whatever I want. I like these clothes. Clothes and fashion have nothing do do with whether I want to have sex or not.